I provide tools and coaching sessions for women to shift their energy and perception in many areas of their life in order to feel more blissful, alive and at peace, despite life circumstances ( absence of a romantic partner or children or a fulfilling career for example ) and yet I still have work to do on myself… when it comes to letting go of trying to make things happen.
I have many times exhausted myself trying to make a business deal happen, or striving to make a romantic relationship work. I have learnt the hard way, believe me, hitting the wall and feeling depleted and emotionally hurt. The truth is : when we push for something to happen or last, it just does not work. In fact, the opposite happens: we encounter resistance, more obstacles and a feeling of hopelessness.
We are so conditioned to take the lead, making sure things get done, go the extra mile, chase or actively seduce that we are not aware that in this process, we are trying to bend people or circumstances to behave “our way”. The cultural conditioning in America is particularly fantastic at making us look like a loser or a person who lacks determination if we are not constantly accomplishing, pushing, negotiating. This is masculine or Alpha energy and we women have completely stepped into it up to our forehead, over the past fifty years, without realizing it that it has often played against us.
We sometimes become blind to the idea that if something is not happening in a flowing way, then it is just not meant to happen; a business deal that seems difficult since the very beginning, a romantic relationship that does not grow even if the initial connection seemed magical…
We can give a book to a child but we can’t force him/her to read. We can inspire him/her to do so by leading by example and read with joy. We can’t convince a client to purchase our services or goods if he or she does not want to be convinced or clearly does not seem interested. We can’t convince a man nor a romantic partner to regularly give us attention/time or commit to a deeper relationship if he/she is not emotionally or physically ready to do so.
As author and speaker Marianne Williamson says : “If a train does not stop at your station, then it’s not your train”. Yet, I have jumped on the train, trying to have it stop at my station more than once. She states: ” There are lots of princes out there but a king will come and get you”. In our modern Western culture, it is common to see women chasing men, again, digging into an energetic territory that used to be exclusively embodied by men for centuries. As much as it is very liberating for women to be able to express their interest or attraction for a man, pursuing a man and trying to convince him to see us more often or “get to the next step” is a recipe for failure. Even if today most men allow themselves to express a more feminine or Omega energy ( opening-up to their emotions and vulnerability ), if a man needs to be convinced that you are an amazing woman, who deserves to be honored and treated like a queen, after seeing him for weeks or months, then he simply is not the right man for you.
Trying to convince with a feeling of struggle is a way to control others and it actually comes from fear ( of abandonment, betrayal, of not being enough ). When we become aware of this behavior, we have the opportunity to shift and lean back instead of leaning forward, breathing and softening, getting back in touch with our feminine essence and surrender to the moment. When we learn how to better trust ourselves and the universe, we can progressively let go the business project, the job, the friend or the romantic relationship that have not been flowing and create the space to welcome the right circumstances, opportunities and people into our life.